New Year’s resolutions or toxic productivity

When “self improvement” quietly turns into self pressure

It’s the first week of January. The gyms are busy, the habit trackers are out, and a lot of people are making promises to themselves.

I like the idea of a fresh start. I also notice something every January, both in my own life and in the therapy room.

For some people, New Year’s resolutions are not really about growth. They are about proving something.

Proving you are good enough

Proving you are not falling behind.

Proving you are doing life “properly”.

And that is where motivation can slip into something harsher.

What is toxic productivity

I recently came across the book Toxic Productivity by psychotherapist Israa Nasir. Her definition is really useful because it gets straight to the point.

She says toxic productivity tends to show up when three things come together.

1. Using productivity to cope with uncomfortable emotions like shame or guilt

2. Pushing productivity at the cost of wellbeing

3. Linking self worth to how much you achieve or produce

   
   

So it is not simply being busy. It is an emotional pattern.

It also fits with a line she uses elsewhere, that being productive is not only about managing time, it is also about managing emotions. (Israa Nasir)

What I often see in my work

I work with lots of capable, high functioning people. Often they are the ones everyone else relies on. They look fine from the outside.

But in the room, the story can be very different.

I hear things like:

• “I can’t relax, I just feel guilty.”

• “If I stop, I’ll fall behind.”

• “I should be doing more.”

• “I’ll rest when everything is sorted.”

  
  

And “everything is sorted” never arrives.

I also notice some common patterns.

Perfectionism.

A strong need for external validation.

Poor boundaries.

Fear of being judged.

A phone that never gets switched off.

Work emails checked late at night, or the minute they wake up.

And a harsh inner critic running in the background, like a constant commentary.

Do more. Try harder. Not good enough yet.

Three real world examples I see a lot

To protect confidentiality, details are changed. These are examples of patterns rather than anyone specific.

1. The client who cannot switch off - I have worked with people who tell me they have not had a proper evening off in a very long time. They might finish work, make dinner, and then open the laptop again “just to clear a few bits”. One email turns into an hour. Then it is very late, and they are angry at themselves for being tired the next day.

When we slow it down, it is rarely about the email itself. It is about the feeling underneath.If I stop, I will be judged.If I stop, I will be found out.If I stop, I am lazy.

Those beliefs can be surprisingly deep.

2. The client who is chasing perfection - I often hear people say they have done something well, but it does not land. Compliments slide off. Achievements do not feel real. There is always a reason it “doesn’t count”.

So they move the goalposts again. New target. New list. New pressure.

Underneath, there is often a fear that being average equals being unacceptable. That they will be rejected or left behind unless they are exceptional.

3. The client who struggles to be alone - Another pattern I see is rest feeling unbearable.

Some people can be in a room full of others, feel fine, and then fall apart when they are alone. Quiet evenings can bring up anxiety, sadness, anger, or a sense of emptiness.

So they keep moving. Cleaning. Sorting. Organising. Scrolling. Planning. Working.

Not because they love busyness, but because stillness makes space for feelings.

What people miss underneath all the doing

When someone is toxically productive, they are rarely chasing success for fun. They are often chasing relief.

Relief from anxiety.

Relief from shame.

Relief from the fear of not being enough.

Relief from feelings they do not know how to sit with.

In this regard, productivity can serve as a coping mechanism.

The price is often the same set of things.

Rest

Play

Connection

Creativity

Meaning

A sense of self that is not reliant on performance.

Nasir also questions the cultural myths that perpetuate this cycle, such as the belief that resting is a failure, or that being busy automatically means being productive.

Why January can make it worse

January is full of messages that sound like discipline, but often feel like punishment.

Fix yourself - Optimise yourself - Do more - Be better.

If you already measure your value by output, New Year’s resolutions can become another stick to beat yourself with.

So I often ask clients a different question.

Not “What goal should you set?” But “What part of you is setting this goal?”

Is it the grounded part of you that wants a healthier, more meaningful life.Or is it the frightened part of you that thinks worth has to be earned.

A kinder way to set a New Year intention

I am not anti goals. I just like goals that are human.

Here are a few gentle shifts that can help.

• Pick one intention, not ten

• Make it small enough that it does not trigger panic

• Link it to a value, not self criticism

• Build in rest on purpose, not as a reward

• Notice the inner critic, then choose not to obey it

• Where is your inner coach or cheerleader? What are they saying?

  
  

A simple test is this.If nobody noticed your progress, would you still want to do it.

If the answer is no, it might be worth exploring what you are really chasing.

Three reflection questions for this week

1. When I rest, what feeling shows up first

2. What does my inner critic say I am worth if I slow down

3. What am I afraid might happen if I stop pushing

   
   

You do not need perfect answers. Just honest ones.

How counselling can help

Therapy can be a place to understand why productivity became your safety strategy.

Not to shame it. It often made sense at the time, but to update it.

To soften the inner critic.

To untangle self worth from achievement.

To practise boundaries that protect your time and energy.

To learn how to be with feelings rather than outrun them.

To build a pace that is sustainable, not performative.

If your January starts with big promises and ends with burnout, you are not failing.

There may simply be something deeper asking for attention.

And that is something we can work with.